My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
