Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
