I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
