I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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