i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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