you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
