On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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