he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
