Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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