My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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