I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
