i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
