Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
