Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
