When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
