I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
