I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
