is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
