New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
