I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
