I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
