i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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