yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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