thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
