you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ketchup is God's man juice
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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