All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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