I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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