K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
