sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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