So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
