he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize