I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
