it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
