By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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