I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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