Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
