oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
