I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
