You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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