He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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