I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
