I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
