Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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