oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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