I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
