I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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