Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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