Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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