i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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