I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
