Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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