Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
