So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
