Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
