I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
