I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
