i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
