How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
