Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry conbrochilllll hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(207): View more from Maine

If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

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(845): View more from New York

i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.

Fav 6 2484 841
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(513): View more from Ohio

WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE

Fav 17 1022 5627
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(203): View more from Connecticut

New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah

Fav 13 3493 1110
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.

Fav 7 2687 1066
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(252): View more from North Carolina

See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket

Fav 11 1785 816
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(818): View more from California

I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

Fav 6 1630 756
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.

Fav 2 198 390
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(404): View more from Georgia

I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM

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