if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
