that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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