I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
