you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
