people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
