Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
