i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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