Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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