Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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