Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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