What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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