I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
