i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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