Hey man sorry I got all grabby
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
