If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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