They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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