If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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