After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
