my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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