his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
