i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
