you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
